Mindful Mothering: Being present

As mothers, how often do we find our bodies in one place, but our thoughts somewhere completely different? Part 3 of this series addresses what I think is the most important conclusion about mindful mothering, and the one that is most difficult to practice: being present.

Alexis' Flexible Conclusions on Mindful Mothering

Knowing myself makes me a better mother. Knowing my child makes me a better mother. Being present makes me a better mother. Thinking ahead also makes me a better mother.

Conclusion #3: Being Present Makes Me a Better Mother

When I give my attention to what is right in front of me, especially when I'm with my son, it makes me a better mother in three ways. First of all, it helps me know my child better (flexible conclusion #2!) and develop a stronger relationship with him.

When I spend time with my son and I don't give in to the temptation to simultaneously attend to half a dozen other tasks or thoughts, I learn so much more about him. I pick up on nuances in his thinking processes, emotional responses, or motor skills that I might otherwise have missed. We have better conversations because I'm listening to him with no distractions and nothing else on my mind. The more present I am with him, the more respected he feels, and this helps us build a trusting, loving relationship.

Now, don't think this happens all day long in our home. These are short little chunks of time set aside just for us. There are many other chunks of time in which he's playing independently (or getting into stuff) while I cook or do housework, to be sure. But I notice a shift for the worse in our relationship if I haven't made enough time for us to set aside all other tasks and be present together.

A second way being present makes me a better mother is that it helps me make important decisions. When I am fully in the moment, I am able to clearly see my options and I am more open to receiving inspiration for what is best for that particular situation. If I am distracted by thoughts or emotions that take me away from this moment, then I may react emotionally, or act on advice that doesn't really fit for me. Being present is how I navigate through the sea of books offering contradictory parenting philosophies and strategies. When I am present, I know that it isn't about a strategy. It's about what is best for my son and me in this exact moment.

Finally, being present shows that I value my time, whether it's with my son or with my work. Each gets full attention at the appropriate time. When I am clear about what I am choosing to do in each moment, without distraction, I am respecting myself as well as my task at hand, and I am modeling that respect for my child.

What do you think? How does being present work in your home?


Other posts in the series:
Flexible Conclusions on Mindful Mothering
Mindful Mothering: Knowing my child
Mindful Mothering: Thinking ahead