Mindful Mothering: Thinking ahead

While "thinking ahead" may seem to contradict my whole premise of being in the moment, it actually strengthens it. Read on to find out why it warrants the final spot on the Flexible Conclusions list in this fourth and final post for the Mindful Mothering series.

Alexis' Flexible Conclusions on Mindful Mothering

Knowing myself makes me a better mother. Knowing my child makes me a better mother. Being present makes me a better mother. Thinking ahead also makes me a better mother.

Conclusion #4: Thinking Ahead Also Makes Me a Better Mother

For the organized planner in me, it's nice to know that there is a place in mindful mothering for thinking ahead. It's not all about experiencing each moment as it unfolds. While that's an important practice, without an element of proactivity, I am likely to miss key opportunities in raising my son mindfully.

When I think ahead to the kind of man I wish to send out into the world as an adult, this helps me determine the kinds of behaviors and attitudes I want to nurture in my young child right now. For example, I hope my son grows to be a good steward of his environment, so I made it a point to model age-appropriate behaviors that encourage that kind of attitude. My son will walk across an entire playground to put a tiny scrap of found trash into the garbage can – all on his own. It's become important to him. A year and a half ago, when he first started picking up empty wrappers from the sand, I could have just said, "Oh, give that yucky trash to Mommy. I'll take care of it." But because I was thinking ahead to the kinds of attitudes I wanted to encourage, I took the time to walk with him to the garbage can and show him how to put it in – and then wash his hands really well.

Related to that example is another way in which thinking ahead makes me a more mindful mother. As mothers, there are so many decisions we need to make minute by minute. These decisions may seem small, but each one shapes the foundation of our child's character in its own way. It can be is exhausting to be mindful of how each of our decisions and interactions affects our children. Sometimes it is so easy to say, "Oh, what the heck, just this once, I don't care if he jumps on the furniture. I'm too tired to go stop him." When I'm thusly tempted, all I have to do is think ahead to life with an adolescent with inconsistent boundaries! This gives me the strength to make difficult decisions now, in the present moment.

"It goes by so fast!"  We hear this over and over again, and as mothers, we feel it tug at our hearts with a melancholy sense of anticipatory loss. We look at the baby pictures and wonder how they've changed so much in such a tiny blink of an eye. On days when I am in a bad mood, Lucas is driving me crazy, or I'm just distracted by too much to do, thinking ahead to a time when my son will be grown and gone jolts me immediately into an almost desperate appreciation for this exact moment right now.

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Previous Posts in the Series:

Flexible Conclusions on Mindful Mothering
Mindful Mothering: Knowing my child
Mindful Mothering: Being present