Tips on Handling the Nighttime Scaries with Sensitive Kids

As parents, when we think of our own nightmares, we think of dreams that frighten or disturb us in some way. We assume it's just our imagination taking us down some dark alleys we'd rather avoid. We trust that "It's not real," and that knowledge seems to help us let go of the fear and go back to sleep.

When our children wake up scared, it's tempting to mumble, "It's not real. It's nothing. Go back to sleep." After all, it's annoying to be awakened in the middle of the night, and so we try soothe the fear in the way that makes sense to us … and quickly, so we can all get back to sleep.

How many of you have taken this route? How's that working for you?

If your son is anything like mine, it's not working so well.

Here's my take on why, and I hope it doesn't freak you out: These things that scare them, well … they're real. You see, sensitive kids attract all kinds of energies or spirits, if you will. These beings know that these special kids are able to see things that others can't, and so they are curious and want to connect. Some are fun, like great-grandma and little playmates. Others aren't so much fun, and though they can't hurt your child, they are still scary as heck for them.

At this point, if you think I'm totally crazy and there is nothing real in your child's room, I'm still suggesting that you try to go along with it anyway, and see what happens.

So, let's assume (whether you believe me or not) that real things are coming into your child's room at night when it's quiet and they can have your child's full attention. What do you think happens to your child when you tell him or her that these things aren't real, that it's just their imagination? What do you think happens to their trust in you? What do you think happens to their sense of safety? If you (their protector) don't see or understand what's happening in your own home, then how can you protect them from it? Do you see how this can amplify their fears?

Think about it … the unknown is far scarier than something that we confront head-on. If Mommy says, "Oh, yes, those guys. I know all about them. Yeah, well, I know they look scary, but they won't hurt you. Let me help you send them away if you really don't want them around," how much more comforting is that than if Mommy says, essentially, "You're nuts, nothing's there, go to sleep?"

What do you think happens to their sense of trust in themselves? If they are, indeed, seeing things you can't see, and you tell them they aren't, they will begin to doubt themselves and shut down these gifts.

These are the reasons why I believe my son when he tells me something purple came through his window and touched his back. What do I do about it? Here are those tips I promised you in the title:

Tips for Alleviating Fear of Nighttime Visitors

• Acknowledge your child's experiences. For example, say, "Tell me some more about that," or "They can't hurt you, but I know they're still scary, aren't they? They're just curious about you, that's all." Be very matter of fact about it.
  
  
• Acknowledge your child's power to send them away. For example, say, "You are very powerful, and if something comes in your room and you don't want it here, you can get it to leave just by saying, 'You don't get to be here. I don't want you in my room. I want you to leave now.' You can even point to the window so the visitor knows the way out." Let them know that you believe in their power to send them away. Model a firm and no-nonsense voice when you show them how to send the visitors away.
  
  
• Do a space clearing with your child during the day. Light a white candle in the room, and use a sage smudge stick to clear any lingering energies. Focus the smoke from the smudge stick in the corners and upper walls. Clap or ring bells in the corners and loudly command them to go. (Don't worry about the neighbors – your child's mental health is more important.) As you do this, ask your child to give you feedback on whether the visitors are still there, or if the space feels cleared. They'll let you know if you take them seriously.
  
  
• Teach them to use a space bubble before they go to bed at night: In a fun and playful way, help them imagine an egg-shaped bubble surrounding them. It's completely sealed, but they can see out through it. Lucas likes to use a pretend zipper to close up his space bubble. Then, imagine filling the bubble with white light. You could say it's like filling the bubble with fluffy, white clouds, protecting them with love. Finally, imagine covering the outside surface of the bubble with mirrors, facing outward. The mirrors scare the visitors away when they see themselves reflected.

If your child is suffering with night fears, I encourage you to give these tips a try. I know they seem whacky and you might feel silly doing them, BUT … if they help your child feel validated and safe, might it be worth it?

Just for argument's sake, let's take the skeptic's view for a moment. What if they're not really seeing anything? What if they're yanking your chain for attention? If that's the case, and you give them this attention like I suggest, then you're meeting that need, and the behaviors will subside on their own, regardless of the reality of the situation.

Another argument might be that we'd make our children more afraid by admitting that there's something real there. All I can say is that's not my experience, and it's not the experience of families I've helped with these very same tips. Approaching the reality of their experience in a matter-of-fact and comforting way, while giving them empowering tools to help themselves has only resulted in full nights of restful sleep.

Let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear back!