To be a Great Mom, First be a Great You!

I've written before about the positive impact I have on my family when I simply remember to take care of myself. It's so true and yet so easy to forget that I am the center of my family's world, and if I'm not centered, everyone else spins out of control with me.

From the outside, taking care of myself looks like spending time with girlfriends who fill my soul, getting plenty of rest, reading a good book, getting out in nature, and maybe doing some art here and there. While these things go a long way toward helping me feel happy, they merely touch the surface of what it means to truly take care of myself.

To truly take care of myself and continually grow into the person I'd most like to be, the mother, wife, community member I'd most like to be, I need to attend to my own healing and spiritual growth. As a mother, I think this is the most important thing I can do for my son. In order for me to nurture him into becoming a confident, compassionate, curious, open-minded and socially conscious adult, I need to clean out some skeletons in my own closet and find a way to embody these qualities, myself. After all, children do as we do, not as we say. Plus, the more clear I can be about who I really am, the less swayed I am by the opinions of others when it comes to raising my son. Whether those opinions come from well-meaning family members or mainstream culture, there is certainly no shortage of them, and holding strong to what I believe can be challenging, at best.

So, to help me stay centered, to help me grow into the best me I can be, I attend to my spiritual growth. For those of you who've been on a spiritual path for a while, you already have a sense of what this means, but for others, I may as well be speaking in tongues. Some of you might be asking, "What does it mean to attend to my spiritual growth? How do I do it? Where do I start?"

Ta-da! Have I got a great resource for you! I just finished reading "Ask Yourself This" by Wendy Craig-Purcell, and I think it's the perfect starting point for those who aren't sure where to begin in their search for deeper meaning. The book is a quick read, and is cleverly organized around unique and probing questions that challenge us to look within and find our own answers. Though I've been on a spiritual journey for quite some time, I found the questions in the book enlightening, causing me to see myself in new ways.

One of the questions that got my mind spinning in new directions was, "If I could solve the how, what would I do?" The powerful example she used was her story of approaching the decision to have children. She was already running a successful and growing ministry, and wondered how on earth she could possibly be the kind of mother she wanted to be with all of these other responsibilities. The more she focused on the "how", the farther away she got from what truly mattered to her. (Boy, can I ever relate to this one!) She realized she was asking herself the wrong question. When she asked herself, "If I could solve the problems, what would my decision be?" the answer suddenly became clear. Not only did she and her husband raise two fabulous (and I mean really fabulous) children while leading a huge Unity congregation, but they managed to home-school them, as well!

I think this question applies to so many of the decisions we're faced with as mothers and conscious human beings right now. She writes,

"Only when we separate problem-solving from decision-making will we make the quality of decisions needed to move beyond our current challenges to build a better world."

In another example, she asks the simple question, "What can I do next?" This question is key for those of us who are overwhelmed with responsibilities. She uses the example of pruning her peach trees so that the remaining fruit can grow large, lush and sweet. In this section she asks,

"Where do you need to do some pruning in your life? Where do you need to cut back or postpone in order to give your energy to what is most important? What do you need to release? What do you need to stop doing altogether? Selecting what is yours to do is important, and choosing what is yours to do now is essential.

I certainly have some personal pruning to do. How about you?

Finally, her last chapter is a precious gift to parents. In it, she shares her bedtime ritual made up of questions that have built deep trust and open communication with her children (now college-age and middle school) over the years. I look forward to adapting these questions to use with Lucas when he's just a little bit older.

I encourage you to spend some time with this book and its questions. As mothers, we are such powerful agents for change in the world. When we change ourselves, we change the way we parent, which changes the way our children see the world, which changes the world. It all starts with us.