In case you didn't get it the first ten times I wrote it:
The most important thing you can do for your kids
is to take care of yourself first.
I'm going to keep writing about this until it sinks in – for me!
Once again, I forgot my own advice.
I've been frustrated with Lucas because he hasn't been napping or going to sleep at bedtime. I was blaming him for my lack of time to write. We went head to head for a while, until, thanks to you kind folks who read my blog and your wonderful comments to the aforementioned post, I surrendered his naps. It was time.
But that's not really what this post is about. Letting go of his naps was the catalyst for rethinking my entire daily routine.
After dropping Lucas off at preschool this morning, I headed off to my favorite coffee shop to write, whereupon I ran into my friend, Tessa (photographer extraordinaire). She commented on how fresh I looked, with makeup on and everything, and asked me how I managed this so early in the morning.
I told her my new secret that I'm about to reveal to you.
My New Routine for a Happy Day:
- After putting Lucas to bed at 8, I consider myself "off work." This means no writing, no emails, and no Facebook to keep me up until midnight and leave my mind so activated that I can't wind down until the wee hours of the morning. TV can be just as bad, so instead, I read a bit in bed. I love to read! This also means the pressure for him to go to sleep right away is alleviated. It's my relaxing time, so I can relax a bit longer with him if he wants it.
- I go to sleep by 9:30.
- I wake up by 5 or 5:30. The house is quiet and dark. I go to the den, light a candle and meditate, then journal,* then write. This is a great time for me to write. My mind is fresh and clear. There are no distractions. I can write much more efficiently than at midday after lunch or at night when I'm exhausted. (I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier!)
- I make breakfast at 7 when the boys start to stir.
- After breakfast, Toby and Lucas get some quality time together while I shower.
10 comments:
Outstanding post and this is very similar to what I do too. I loved reading this!
It's interesting, because I ended up changing my routine to be very similar to this about 18 months ago. I am NOT a morning person, and never have been, but finally realized that since I was blessed with kids that (once they went to sleep) woke up at a fairly predictable time every morning, I could actually count on getting an hour or so in of something before they got up. So I usually use that for meditation/yoga, and get online or write when they are in school/preschool later in the morning. I don't count on naps for anything, but sometimes they surprise me and sleep when they have a big morning, and I might be online or write a bit then. I usually do write or am online for a bit in the evening, and some nights I am teaching. I so agree with you about both TV and online being a bad lead-in to bed. SYTYCD is an exception I make!
My only issue with my current routine is that all my 'work' time is in pieces, so I have had to develop the ability to click in and out of gear very quickly, which some days goes better than others. No more getting 'warmed up', I have to just dive in. I think this is the skill of mothers everywhere!! Do you have any issues with this, and if so how do you handle?
Sounds lovely... I think I am about to hop on that getting up early train. I tried it a while back, but my kids tend to wake up when I do and I also felt more tired.
Baby steps... :)
This is so great. You know I'm on board the looking after yourself first train.
I look forward to the day I can do something similar. As we go to bed together (11pmish), and she wakes 4-8 times a night, I'm too exhausted and struggle getting up before her.
I did it a few days and it was great, although a night owl my mind was clear to write in the early morning. But there's no way on earth I could go to bed at 9:30!
I feel a little tearful at this loss of time/space after the initial momentum, but it'll come, I trust....
You've got 1.5hrs at night, 1-2hrs in the mornings and pre-school time! omg, I'm so envious.
Ah yes! Filling our own cups. Since we are basically the family's emotional regulators, it's crucial that our own cups are filled first. And how many times I forget this important element. I am usually reminded by my own short temper or impatience. Which I then take as reminders to FILL MY CUP!!! Thanks for the reminder.
Jessica~ Thanks! So glad this resonated with you!
Lisa~ Working in little bits of time is challenging for me, too. Preschool days are good for a bit more space to ease into writing, but that's only twice a week. This week I experimented with letting him stay for aftercare, so I picked him up at 3 instead of noon. What a difference that made! I won't do it all the time, but on occasion, it's a nice treat for both of us.
Something that helps me with the shorter snippets is to have a little trigger for writing - like a nice cappuccino before I start. :)
Stacy~ The trick to not feeling tired is definitely going to sleep early enough. As far as waking up the kiddos, that would be a deterrent, for sure. No sense starting early just to jump right on that hamster wheel of taking care of everyone else, right? Can you sneak out and do your morning alone time somewhere where they can't hear you? Have you experimented with waking at different times to catch them in a deeper part of their sleep cycles?
Mon~ Time definitely begins to open up a bit more as they hit this age. Hang in there. I think it's all about pacing and being realistic with how much we can reasonably do with 24 hours each day and still feel sane and whole. With her waking up so much during the night, I'm amazed you do as much as you do! I'd be completely exhausted! I know you are, so be gentle with yourself.
Bernadette~ Those are my reminders, too. I love how you said we're the family's emotional regulators. It's so true. I used to resent that - it felt like such pressure! Like, why did I have to be the one to keep it together for everyone else? Now that I accept it, I feel empowered. I can change the whole dynamic all by myself, and simply by being good to myself!
I'm so glad you've found yourself a new routine that seems to be so beneficial to yourself and the whole family - enjoy it. :D xxx
Thanks, Debs! I did enjoy it... for about a week. See next post. :)
love this. i keep asking myself why taking care of myself always comes last when it is the most important thing -- I wouldn't think twice about driving my kids somewhere or sacrificing something for them, but I just keep putting off the things I know are good for me (which makes me unhappy -- which makes everyone unhappy).
I recently started setting an alarm for me and my little one -- if he is up by 7AM then he will nap around 12:30 (for 2 hours) which gives me 2 hours to work.
Another thing I did for me was give up refined sugar, and I have felt amazing, lost nearly 10 lbs!
Small things can really make a huge difference in our well being.
Hey "Sadge," so nice to see you here! I'm glad this is a good reminder for you. We all need to continually remind one another, it seems. So nice to have a community of women who see the value in honoring ourselves first, even if we find it hard to put into practice.
Giving up refined sugar?! I wouldn't call that a small thing. Oy! Congratulations. Really! That's one of those things I just know I ought to do, but I have too much self-nurturing wrapped up in chocolate for me to be ready to let it go. One day, perhaps.
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