Why Does this Type A Mom Resist Routine?

Thanks for humoring me while I do a bit more public self-exploration in regards to my parenting. After my previous rant about my parenting frustrations and the wonderful feedback I received, I am now leaning more strongly toward implementing a bit more routine into our life. Not more rules. Not more boundaries. Just more routine to help Lucas know more of what to expect when, so his energy can be freed up to enjoy life instead of constantly looking for the next chance to control mine.

I know it's the best thing I can do for him. I know he's craving some consistency, especially since all these weeks of getting sick have thrown off any semblance of schedule we may have previously had.

But I don't seem to want to do it. I'm dragging my feet, and this seems a bit out of character for me.

I am what most would call a very organized person. I can come up with a system to streamline just about anything. I'm the queen of multi-tasking, I have folders that automatically sort my incoming email, and I plan my menus and shop weekly. You'd think this routine thing would come easily to me.

I love Waldorf education and philosophy. At the center is this sense of respect for the rhythms of the day, the week, the seasons. Some examples: Monday is bread-baking day. Tuesday is soup day. Mornings begin with circle time, then art, then outside play. There is a breathing in and a breathing out to the daily activities that mirror the children's inner rhythms. These things are unchanging. The children flow with the rhythms and know what to expect. I love this, and look forward to sending Lucas into this nurturing environment when he's a bit older.

So why is it that I'm resisting this kind of daily and weekly routine for him at home? Why not have a breakfast, lunch, and snack menu that repeats every week? Why not have circle time, then art, then outside play every morning? Why does the idea of committing to doing certain things on certain days or at a certain time make me want to run for the hills?

There is something deeper at work in this decision-making process for me, and it's this little secret: All that organization? It's not really me.

It's my mom.

I learned early on to go against my inner nature to please her. She's the ultimate Type A, and does she ever love her structure, routines, and systems! I've always loved "being like my mom" because I admire her tremendously. But after all this time, I'm finally discovering I'm not her. Part of my growth right now is to learn to let go of some of those learned behaviors in order to make room for the real me to surface. The real me wants to go with the flow, be in the moment, slow down, not always be in charge. The real me wants to honor what comes more than what was supposed to come.

In the midst of trying very hard to surrender, let go, be present, uni-task, and take more OFF my plate, it kind of rubs the wrong way to put my energy into scheduling and planning and upholding a structured new routine. Wasn't I just trying to move away from this? Wouldn't it be taking a step backward?

Maybe. Maybe not. There's no denying I'm good at being organized. I've been practicing for 42 years. There is no need to throw away these skills or refuse to use them. Maybe it's more about choosing the best times to use them, and letting them sit out the rest of the time.

Giving Lucas some comforting routines? That would be a good time to use them.

Creating a series of posting deadlines and a bullet-proof schedule in order to meet them? Not so much.

It's helpful for me to have identified the source of my resistance. Now I can see it more clearly and make a better decision, based on better information. I now know I wasn't resisting because I thought it was the wrong idea. It's good to have figured this out.

Now … while the boys are at the park, I'm off to go do nothing for a bit, and AFTER THAT … then I'll whip us up a new routine.

Cheers!