Today, I thought I was going to write about how life at home has returned to a happy homeostasis. I was going to share some sweet stories about Lucas and about how smoothly things have been flowing for us over the past couple of weeks.
But before I began writing, I checked in on Twitter and got completely derailed. It's not because it sucked up all my writing time. It's true that social media can take me down rabbit holes in which an hour completely disappears in the space of a minute, but that's not what happened this morning. What happened this morning is what is supposed to happen on Twitter. I discovered (or re-discovered) some amazing people who are writing about important things, and promoting their ideas in brilliant ways. How inspiring, right?
Yes, for the average person, I imagine it is inspiring. For me and my unpredictable self-confidence, I went straight from inspired to intimidated to shut down. I'll give you an example, and you should definitely check out her site, because it's fantastic. It's Project GiftED.com spearheaded by Melissa Greczy, a wunderkind herself with two gifted daughters. Her brief Twitter bio reads, "Passionate about raising remarkable children. Latest breakthroughs in child development and interviews with some of the most enlightened child experts." She's not using the label Indigo or Crystal children, but those are precisely the kids she's talking about. She had one post that actually addressed this mystical angle here, which garnered 35 comments, mostly in support of the concept. With 11,437 parents subscribed to her newsletter alone, she has a huge reach. She's bringing the issues of crystal children into the mainstream by approaching it from the gifted standpoint. She incorporates interviews, videos, social media, and all the things successful internet marketers use to build their brand and their platform, and she does it all beautifully.
If you haven't guessed it yet, I'm feeling rather jealous, and this is my own smallness. Melissa is someone I'd love to talk with and learn from. We have a lot in common, and yet … I don't feel up to the task of even sending her an email. After all, "She has built several million dollar businesses on her own, making her one of the most successful female entrepreneurs in the U.S." I'm intimidated and mad at myself for feeling this way.
Here is the larger issue. I can't even see myself successfully doing what she's doing. If I look at my writing and my goals on a continuum, I just don't see it. I want to see it, but I suppose I just haven't experienced enough success to even have a sense of what that looks like for me. The chasm between where I am now and where I want to be is huge, and I don't see a bridge anywhere in sight.
(I'm going to have to either stop writing soon or head home, because if I'm not careful, I'm going to start crying right here in the coffee shop.)
Why am I sharing this? Is it for attention? Maybe. (I'll be honest, I know myself well enough to know that on some level, it's almost always about getting attention.) More than that, though, it's that this morning it was time for me to write, and this is what needed to be expressed. To express it publicly is to share myself honestly and fully. Perhaps someone else will identify and not feel like they're the only one.
And … maybe it's because I am realizing I need help to do this. I need a plan, a partner, a mentor. I can't do this alone. And I have no budget to hire a marketing team and no tolerance for the internet gurus and their $499 telecourses. I've tried telling myself to approach this one step at a time. Just write. Worry about all the other stuff later. But you know, there are blogs skyrocketing to the top of the heap in a fraction of the time I've been blogging and that's because they're doing a lot more than just writing. I'm getting lost in the dust. Just writing doesn't build readership. And with readership in the double digits, I get discouraged, and my writing begins to feel futile, and everything grinds to a halt.
Help?
10 comments:
i think you were shown that post for a reason...you were guided to it..we know nothing happens by mistake..and it especially never happens by mistake to a 'conscious person'.
i think your sharing because you want to know your not alone in it, and there are others feeling the same, some validation. but, at the end of the day, out of 100 woman, you might have been the only one to react that way..and i don't think its because she IS BETTER THAN YOU, i think its because your nervous about the book and when you see writing like that, it makes you doubt your own abilities. i don't think shes better than you, i think shes different from you. both equally readable, and both with different points to make. your book with touch people on a level of ''wow, shes there too!!'' as apposed to solutions...people will find solutions in your book, instead of being given them. your writing is different, theres no way it could be worse.
ground yourself, pull in the earths energy through the roots into your body, and then meditate in a white bubble, inhale the white and exhale the negative.
sorry, that mightv been a bit ranty, i do hope your ok though, lady :)
take care xxxxxxxxxx
I think you need to brainstorm what you are doing, and why - are you writing a blog for pleasure, for readership or for both or some other reason ? Then think about where you want to be in say, five years time - a published author with a huge readership, a stay at home mama with lots of time, being fully present for your child or somewhere in between, or something entirely different ? Once you've settle these answers in your own mind (and I'm not for a second saying that the answers are to be found in an instant), then you need to take baby steps, planning out over different time period where you are going - what do you want to see happening next year, in order to reach the five year goal ? Then in six months time ? Then one month ? Then the next week or so ? Accept, especially with a small child in tow that these timelines will shift and it is not a failure to change them down the line, or get there slower, but that they are indications of which direction you wish to be heading in. If it's a successful business/large readership that is your main goal, then your limited time on the computer shouldn't be spent solely on writing, but on networking, self-promotion etc, which may mean less time spent creatively. We can look to sites like the one you found for inspiration, but remember it took many long years, probably lots of sleep deprivation and who knows what other sacrifices along the way to reach where they are - is that something that you want for yourself and your family, now or ever ? Also, remember, many of these successful mama's have children who are considerably older than you - unless you are homeschooling, what you can achieve in terms of career/writing once Lucas is at school and you have hours of time every day at your disposal is on another planet compared to trying to do stuff in the brief moments when he's occupied, or the tiny window that pre-school offers. Hope that some/all/a little tiny bit of this was useful, and hope that you do find some answers and inspiration rather than intimidation along the way. x
p.s. just watched lucas saying the prayer of protection, HOW CUTE!!! his voice is adorable...! xxx
Alexis - I feel your pain. This is the problem with the internet. I spent a lot of time last year working through this one. I would go online and find other blogs writing about similar things and just feel like what's the point. Or, I would read more personal mama blogs, and think maybe what I really need is community, maybe I should just do a blog like that, and then feel bad about not doing that, not having more a community feel to my blog. And then people would give me lots of advice - oh, you need your own domain, you need to be on facebook, you need this or that.
At this point, I've decided to just push all that aside and 'do my thing.' When insecurity starts popping up, I get off the internet. Or, if I'm attracted to someone's site, sometimes I will connect with them, and see what happens. I do believe that if you just do your thing in good faith, you will be lead to the right places and people. And it doesn't matter how many other people are doing it or saying something similar, because each of us has a unique way of saying something, and will connect with a slightly different audience. And the more focus there is on something, the more of a market there is for it. It's like Starbucks - they created this whole other market for coffee houses that actually wasn't there before. The overall coffee house market grew unbelievably after Starbucks took off (yes, now they are dominating the world, but overall, they created a new niche that other coffee chains benefited from too.) So others succeeding writing about crystal children is a good thing, because it is moving into the mainstream.
Also, just for the record, having just browsed a bit, I personally am not that into her site, and without your recommendation, probably wouldn't have visited it. 'Gifted' turns me off a little, for a host of reasons. You seem to be approaching it from a more holistic, spiritual, intuitive angle, and as a real person. Which is just to say, your voice resonates more with me, and probably will with a lot of other people.
It is like spiritual teachers and books - some love Eckhart Tolle, some Deepak Chopra, some Byron Katie, some Adyashanti - just to name some of the more popular ones these days. They are all essentially saying the same things. There are just differences in their resonances and voices and stories, but that makes a difference in terms of who is going to be attracted to them.
So, my advice is, blow all this off, and whenever you are feeling it disconnect. Just do your best within the parameters of YOUR life, and see what it feels like YOU should be doing right now. So far, the message you seem to keep getting is 'focus on the book first', so that to me seems like what you are supposed to do (although I can't say for sure.)
Also, re-read this post from Mon: http://holisticmum.blogspot.com/2010/01/creative-high.html
and have you seen Julie and Julia? I was very inspired by this - took her 10 years to write that first cookbook!!
Rock On....
Alexis - sorry to fill up your comment space here, but had to come back for one more thing...this kind of doubt also plagued me re: parenting and some of my parenting decisions last year, from reading so many mama blogs...and considering some of you recent posts on reading so many parenting books, I just wanted to share that too...I think too much input on anything can mess with us...for example for me, I am linked into a lot of homeschooling moms, because I love what many of them are saying about parenting and I just like them...so over time, I found myself doubting my decision to have my kids in school/pre-school, and it took me awhile to work through this...finally I realized my kids are happy, we have gone to a lot of trouble to get them into the kinds of schools we believe in, why am I stressing about this?? I still read these same blogs, but now I can separate my situation from theirs, my kids and what's right for my family from theirs...it is a kind of boundary and inner connection...it has to be very strong to be able to spend time on the internet I think...and I thought mine was strong before I got online a couple of years ago, but I did get thrown off of it, and had to re-establish that confidence to move forward, both as a parent and in my writing/teaching...hope this is helpful to you, sorry for the ramble...
I want to echo everything Lisa (mommymystic) said!
I think we've all been there... It's okay to feel challenged, jealous, mystified. Perhaps this is a chance to get clearer on what you want... You are finding your way!
I'm so grateful for this sisterhood here! Thank you all for your suggestions and support! My heart is full and my mind is much more at ease because of you. Now specifically ...
Liz ~ You are wise beyond your years, my dear! Thanks for the grounding reminder - I think that will help with the self-doubt. Comparison is a wicked little beast, and though I know better, sometimes I just can't keep it away.
Julie ~ Wow! Thank you so much for your concrete suggestions, as well as your reminders about priorities and what others may have given up in order to accomplish their present success. That was really helpful. And you're so right about the time thing. Maybe the larger goals need to wait until Lucas is in school - that is, if I don't end up homeschooling him. I so appreciate your support and understanding. Thanks!
Lisa ~ You can take up as much space in my comments as you like, any day! Thanks so much for taking the time to share so much. It really does help to know how you've worked through this same thing. The Starbucks example was perfect! I needed to hear that. I guess I have some ego wrapped up in being the Starbucks and not The Coffee Bean or even the thriving local java joint. Something to work through.
Your advice about unplugging when I start to feel this way is so helpful. Once the comparison starts, I'm like a moth to a flame, and I just dig myself deeper and deeper into this funk. Just cutting myself off from the sources of comparison is brilliant in its simplicity.
I just saw that movie! Loved it! (Though the book, and Julie's success with her blog was yet another source of this same kind of comparison and self-doubt.) Yes, what if it takes ten years? Well, then it does, I guess.
As for too much input messing with us, you are so spot on with that. What I recognize is that I haven't been as consistent in my meditation and journaling practice over the past month, and so it's no surprise that my inner connection to what is true for me was feeling weakened, and therefore those boundaries were more easily influenced.
Thanks again, gals! I am so glad I put this post out there. I feel nourished by your words and kindness.
Cheers and hugs to you all!
Alexis
Stacy ~ Just saw your comment there! Thanks for the ditto and for the support!
Cheers and hugs!
Alexis
Alexis,
I don't have much time here to respond, but I want to thank you for your initial post. I appreciate you voicing what has been stirring in me recently. I also feel so thankful for the thoughtful responses/comments. And finally, I really hear your last comment--meditation and journaling will again reconnect me with me. Keep writing! Peace, Nicki
Hi Nicki,
Thanks for taking the time to chime in on this post. I appreciate your support, and I'm glad that my writing and our community here is resonating with you. That's what this is really all about, after all. This is what fills me - not the analytics reports, or the follower stats, but the real connections on topics that touch our souls deeply. That's what matters. Cheers! Alexis
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