As I was putting Lucas to bed last night, something about him seemed particularly precious to me. It could have been his slightly stuffy nose or his deliciously flushed cheeks, or maybe it was just the way he had wanted me to hold him and slowly dance to the music in the living room minutes before.
I pulled the blanket up under his little chin and told him, "Lucas, you are so loved!" I went on to list all of the many people who love him. From family and friends, to neighbors and employees at grocery stores, Lucas is loved wherever he goes. People stop what they're doing to spend time with him. Strangers give him toys and stickers. He's been tipped for "playing" his guitar at the farmers' market. He has his own engraved, magnetic Trader Joe's nametag, which he wears on every shopping trip. This boy knows nothing if not that he's lovable and important in the world.
I wanted him to know that all this love comes to him not because of anything he's done. I wanted him to know that it's just because he is who he is; nothing more and nothing less. To give myself an opening to share this with him, I asked, "Why do you think you're so loved?"
As I prepared to launch into my mini-lecture on his inherent worth, he gave me his own answer, "Because I love."
Because I love.
His words hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face, but in a good way. I wasn't expecting them, but they woke me up.
Because I love.
What did he mean by that? For Lucas, what does love look like as a verb? It's not what you might think. He's not the most cuddly or angelic of children, to be sure. He can be rough and loud and fiercely independent. He doesn't always share, or listen, or pet the cats gently. So what might loving look like to him? I think what he's talking about is something more subtle than his actions. Maybe it's more an energy of love that he sends out, like an invisible signal that people can't see, but they feel it and respond in kind.
One example that stands out in my mind occurred in the dairy section at Trader Joe's last year. I had parked the cart there while gathering some items nearby, and returned to find a hunched-over, elderly man holding on to the side of our cart while Lucas jabbered on about something – probably how he could drink wine when he was five. (That was a favorite tidbit to share with strangers at that time, thanks to Grandma.) The man was chuckling and smiling ear to ear, asking him questions and leaning in close to hear. I noticed some numbers tattooed on the inside of his forearm, and it struck me that he was a survivor, which was later confirmed by his caregiver. Auschwitz. I have since run across this man and his caregiver many times. In sharp contrast to how I'd first seen him when he was talking with Lucas, he is generally withdrawn and sullen, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Apparently, that exchange with Lucas was an aberration. For that moment, some little light in Lucas helped him forget his otherwise dark experience.
I have often thought that Lucas is here to teach me, rather than the other way around, and the overarching lesson seems to be about love. His love shines out into the world freely and love flows back to him abundantly, and therefore, his view of love is ever-expanding. His sense of himself as lovable and the world as a loving place is confirmed over and over again. The learning for me is that I can find that lovable place within myself, not by doing good deeds or winning approval, but simply by loving more.
I need to put these words all over my house as a reminder. I'll put them on a post-it on my car dashboard, set it as a screensaver on my computer, and paint it on a canvas, maybe with a giant heart.
Because I love.
It's that simple.
Because I Love
on
Monday, February 15, 2010
16 comments:
''The man was chuckling and smiling ear to ear, asking him questions and leaning in close to hear. I noticed some numbers tattooed on the inside of his forearm, and it struck me that he was a survivor, which was later confirmed by his caregiver. Auschwitz. I have since run across this man and his caregiver many times. In sharp contrast to how I'd first seen him when he was talking with Lucas, he is generally withdrawn and sullen, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Apparently, that exchange with Lucas was an aberration. For that moment, some little light in Lucas helped him forget his otherwise dark experience.''
Again..nearly cried at this. what is going on with me??? since the ascension, iv been getting choked up at any sign of compassion or happiness through compassion.
Alexis, that is a gorgeous entry. one of my absolute favorites. in your manuscript, i think an exert from this would be a good..forward/opener/something.
When we were doing the ascension, in the theory side of things, one of the things we learned was that we are here to learn love.
Imagine you've been born as a spirit and your waiting to be incarnated into wherever your going, and like a normal child you can know about love..and know that mummy cuddles you because she loves you..but not actually how it REALLY feels, i think you don't know about that bit until you get to the age of really thinking? Properly...for yourself. like the day you realise your mother has a name, a life before you, and is something else, as well as 'moooommmm'...and suddenly you feel bad for expecting her to do the washing/tidying on her own without appreciating it or helping. Anyway, so just like a human child, your soul needs to learn how it works, what it is, how to do it, how to receive it without taking it for granted etc.
Before when you wondered what it meant for Lucas to already have his soul chakra activated...i think its the love thing. I had mine opened at the ascension and since then, iv been choking up all over the place and have been super sensitive to situations and my esp side has been exercised more. Lucas has been like that since birth. HOW exciting :) lovely. Perhaps you have a little hot handed healer :)
lots and love and light Alexis
xxxxx
Such amazingly gorgeous and simple words!
All children are born with this ability, and then we learn to give it up. Somehow we learn that it's not that valuable, to love openly.
My girl is also not the most angelic or demonstrative with others, in fact, she's quite cautious and even pulls away. And yet, strangers still respond to her 'pure' love. She's never short of attention and smiles....
She's just being a child. Nothing more.
At what age does it begin to wane? Sad. But as parents we can help support that natural love.
Liz~ I'm glad that touched you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about learning to love. An interesting perspective, that bit about not knowing love until you can separate from it a bit and know it as itself.
Mon ~ I agree that we're all born with this ability to a certain degree, but I have to say that in my experience, not all babies and tots create this kind of reaction in others. (I work regularly with a lot of other people's babies.) There are some babies and youngsters that draw forth from me a feeling of instant love and well-being, while others inspire anywhere from a neutral to a negative response.
I don't think it's completely about just being a child. I think it's about each child in particular, and I do believe (or else I wouldn't be writing on the subject) that it has something to do with the extrasensory gifts and different energy frequencies that some children show up with.
I also don't think it needs to wane, necessarily. Certainly, like you said, we can support that expression of love in our parenting. We can also make conscious choices about the kinds of environments to which we subject our children so they don't have to become hardened just to survive elementary school. The wonderful Unschooling resources you have on your blog alone are incredibly inspiring and give me hope that many children will be holding onto their natural states of love far longer than any of us did.
Cheers!
Alexis
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
your response reminded me of this..about choosing the environment your childs in.
x
How beautiful, thanks for sharing! To add to your and Mon's discussion, I do think Lucas shines this love forth partly because he has known since birth that he is loved, in a myriad of ways. So I think it is partly an interplay between parent and child. And whether all children inspire this reaction or not, they all should, because they all deserve to feel this loved. I hope someday the world will be that way. And I do think if it was, all children would shine forth in this way, also.
Liz~I've always loved that list. Thanks for sharing it.
Lisa~ You offer an interesting perspective. I'm taking a while to sit with it. While I love the idea of being partially responsible for Lucas' effect on others, I'm not so sure I deserve the credit. This kind of leads to a nature/nurture discussion. I wouldn't be writing about this parenting journey if I didn't think our influence was important, and yet ... I've known many kids from really rough, abusive, not-so-loving families who still managed to brighten up a room in the way Lucas does, so ... I don't know. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, maybe it's just the way they're born.
And while I wholeheartedly agree that all children deserve to be loved, just like all grownups deserve to be loved, it's easier with some than with others. The reasons for that fill the self-help and spirituality shelves at Barnes & Noble, so I won't even attempt to go into it here. I wish it were different. I wish I was able to love all other beings unconditionally, but I'm not there yet.
Thanks for causing me to think more deeply about this topic, Lisa. I enjoy our exchanges.
Cheers!
Alexis
I agree that this quality is not apparent in all children. When it isn't, perhaps they are "working on" something else? I love that you strive to transfer your son's infinite wisdom to your personal experience in this world. Beautiful ~
Often, when I encounter adults that are full of loving energy & playfulness, I also notice that there are typically a few (or a lot) of others that seem to want to shut these "crazy" adults down. Are we so afraid to be free?
Hi Alexis, I agree about their being an interplay between nature and nurture. I certainly do see how my children seem to have each arrived 'fully formed' in their own ways. And of the three, one 'lights up a room', and the other two are more reserved, with other gifts. It takes all types to change the world, that is for sure, and there are many types of gifts, as I know you know. I am mostly just saddened by children whose gifts aren't appreciated or nurtured.
Anyway, I mostly came back to pass on some links that maybe you already have? Someone recently commented on my old Indigo post, and said he writes about indigos from his own perpective of being one at: http://www.andrewgubb.com/drupal/
He also mentioned: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Characteristics_Of_Indigo_Children_Adults.html
Not sure if you want more input right now, as I know sometimes it just muddies the waters, but I liked his comment, so thought I would pass on the links!
What a beautiful post. Though I don't know you and your son, you painted such a lovely picture, and desribed it beautifully. And what better gift in the world than love. You have taught that to your son at such young age, priceless. It also reminded me of the other night when I tucked in my 1.5 year old, who is sick with a cough & cold. She hugged her Pooh bear, looked at me with her big blue puppy eyes and said, Rub back mommy. I melted into her and wanted to climb inside her crib and hold her forever. It's these precious moments we have with our little ones that make all the other "challenges" of mommyhood seems like no big deal. Thanks for this post (I found you via a RT from SDBM.)
Beautiful. He's a great teacher. :-)
Hey Alexis, just wanted to let you know I sent you a e-mail over Gmail. (kept forgetting to tell ya lol)
You can learn so much from children its amazing at times, a child's mind is free from corruptions and emotions. They will tell you things without thinking about your feelings, its just the solid truth.
~Aiden
Amy(cypress sun)~ Your idea that some kids may be here to work on other things is also a helpful perspective. It takes all kinds, as Lisa mentioned after your comment. As to your second point, our world is so conditioned to see pain as our normal state, that it's sad, but true that many purely loving adults are seen as a bit cuckoo. They are the exception, and people are uncomfortable with exceptions. Maybe as more of these children reach adulthood unafraid to show their love, they'll reach a critical mass and they won't be the exceptions anymore. Thanks so much for chiming in!
Lisa ~ You're right that it takes all types to change the world, and I am with you on feeling sad for those children who go unappreciated. I wonder, though, if that's what they signed up for, kind of like what Amy suggested? I was one of them as a child, and I think my struggles to understand and appreciate myself have helped me better understand my son and other children. Thanks for those links, too! I'm eager to go check them out.
Mama Mary ~ Thank you so much for the lovely comments on this post and for sharing that sweet moment with your daughter. I'm glad you stopped by.
Janice ~ Thanks for checking in!
Aiden(spiritkid)~ Thanks for your thoughts(and the email!). I wonder how long that lasts - the mind that's free from corruptions and emotions? Hard to know when our influence kicks in.
Cheers everyone! I so appreciate your thoughts!
Alexis
You are loved....all is well. This was a beautiful post.
Kb
Kb, even the daily emails from the Hicks' aren't enough to remind me sometimes. Thanks for your sweet words. Back at ya!
Really beautiful Alexis and imagine my smile when I saw the title and subject of your most recent post! I found you and Lucas through the Here ll Here site today and loved the videos and the name/subject of your blog--so here I landed to found "Because I Love" and a desire for you to "Love More"...a nice God-incidence for a woman who wrote the book "I Love You More". :-D
If you don't already have a copy I *think* you might enjoy it--if you do I offer you the opportunity to read it not only as a story told between a mother and child but also between Creator and Child. The book was an answer to a prayer, written for my sister and nephew but a couple of years after it was published, while listening to a Michael Beckwith CD and tears streaming down my face I heard a message that "my" book is really a message of God or the Universe's Love for us, and if we could get how truly loved we are--well like you said perhaps thats just what we're here to do-to learn just how truly loved we are and how to be the Love! Shine On Sister!! Thank you for being and for sharing your amazing journey with us!
Laura, what an inspiring person and role model you are for me! I just hopped on over to Amazon.com to order your book and was astounded by what you've accomplished with it. Congratulations. Wow! I can't wait to read it! I'll be happy to review it here on my blog, as well.
How lovely that we've connected! Thank you for the kind words about those videos of my son and this post,and for your encouragement. It's an interesting life, meandering at the edges of mainstream thinking, hoping to convey the beauty of it to the throngs.
I usually post much more, but I've been in a bit of a cave lately, and the subject of my work has been, at its core, what else? Self-love, of course. :) I have some new direction and ideas to roll out in the coming weeks, so I hope you'll be back.
Thanks again for your lovely words and for the beautiful work you are doing in the world!
Cheers!
Alexis
Post a Comment