The Problem with Labels or … I finally changed my mind

Some labels do obvious damage. Labels that imply racial, mental, sexual, or physical inferiority, for example, hurt those being demeaned while strengthening the sense of otherness and separation that is the source of all violence. This kind of label incites wars, triggers gunfire in our schools, and fuels the cycle of abuse. Use of these labels is a deliberate attempt to make another person feel inadequate, with devastating cumulative effects to our society. Most of us would never use these labels. To so much as overhear them or read them scribbled on the walls of public restrooms makes our blood run cold.

Other labels do stealthy damage. They are the ones generously doled out by experts. Teachers and doctors accompany them with a smile and an IEP*, so they don't feel so threatening. They say, "Your child is [ADD, OCD, Mensa, ADHD, Learning Disabled, Gifted, SED…] and this is why they're different than the rest of the kids." They say, "We can now offer you additional services to support the diagnosis. It's a good thing." These labels and their accompanying services seem necessary because the schools haven't yet figured out a way to meet the needs of a broad spectrum of children.

As parents, it's easy to accept the label as truth. It's easy to accept the assistance, and it can even be a relief to have a "reason" for our children's behavior when it looks different from the rest. And so it becomes tempting to use the label to explain away any quirks or variations from the norm that we notice in our children.

A few months ago, a perfectly sweet young boy ran over to me at the playground and exuberantly picked up a ball at my feet. The father rushed over and said, "Oh, sorry. He has Asperger's." It wasn't clear what prompted him to tell me this. There was nothing to apologize for. In that moment, I wondered how this boy was going to grow up thinking of himself if his father was bent on seeing the label and not the boy. This is the damage we probably aren't aware of inflicting. These labels also imply differentness, otherness, just like the first kind. When we use them, we are still placing people into categories that separate. This inhibits us from recognizing that we all have differences and we all have similarities, and in this, we are all the same.

With that said, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you'll know that I, too, struggle with the use of labels, as it pertains to my topic. In writing about children who are highly sensitive and intuitive - my son in particular - I have used the labels Crystal children and Indigo children. My reason for using the labels was to allow others to find my blog if they were searching for information about Crystal children or Indigo children. It seems reasonable, right? However, it has just never sat well with me, for the reasons I listed above. Any label creates separation, and my labels were no exception.

I don't know why it took me over a year to figure this out, because it seems so simple now, but I've decided to forego the labels and instead, refer to the characteristics I'm writing about - namely, sensitivity and intuition. It's much more concrete, specific, and helpful. After all, if you don't already know what the labels Crystal and Indigo refer to, they have no meaning, and if you have to go digging in the archives to find out what I'm talking about, you'll likely just go somewhere else. I think those who are looking for this kind of information will still be able to find the blog just fine.

For the time being, I'm not going to spend time culling out the words from all previous posts, but you'll notice I took the word "Crystal" out of my subtitle. Maybe intuitive is just another label, but at least it means something specific. What are your thoughts on this shift? I'm interested to hear from you about it.

Cheers!

Alexis


 
*Individualized Education Plan