Adjusting to Work Life

There's been a big change in the Ahrens' household over the past couple of weeks. I've gone back to work, and even though I'm only working partial days these first few weeks until after Labor Day, it has had a huge impact on our home routine. As is to be expected, Lucas has responded to this change with some stellar tantrums and knock-down, drag-out power plays.

He's home with Toby all morning while I'm at school, and I'm happy to say that father and son are having a great time together. When I get home, though, I get the cold shoulder and general snottiness, along with some whopping tantrums over things like looking at him the wrong way. Lucky me! It's kind of a catch-22. I don't much feel like spending time with him when he's like this. After all, I'm tired from processing a ton of new work details each day and trying to hold about a dozen plans-in-progress in my head. It's so much easier to let Toby take the lead with Lucas in the afternoons, too. But when that happens, Lucas feels even more isolated from me and his pushing behavior increases.

I know that power and control are two of the key issues at work here. Another one is connection. My challenge is to stay connected to him through all of this annoying behavior, while still maintaining clear limits and boundaries, all while trying to find legitimate ways for him to meet his voracious need for power. Right now, he has very little control over the changes in his home life. Our old routines have been upended, and his new preschool (along with its stability and predictability) doesn't start for another two weeks. At the same time, my attention is wrapped up in this big, exciting change and I'm not as emotionally or physically available to him as I have been up until now.

This is a crazy time for him. I get it. And I'm not doing the greatest job at helping him through it. I'm looking forward to sending him to full-time preschool, and I feel guilty about it. I can't wait to spend time with other people's children at Xara Garden School, yet it's hard to spend time with my own son right now. It just doesn't seem right.

And yet … I know enough to cut myself a break. Parenting and teaching are two very different animals, the former being infinitely more complex and emotionally taxing. Novelty has a big pull for me, and everything about the new job is enticing right now. It's okay for me to feel more excited about that than about playing Candyland for the billionth time with a three-year-old who cheats.

It's okay. We'll reconnect. We'll find a new groove. Phase one: Life at home with baby/toddler/preschooler is now over. I feel some sadness, but life evolves. We'll all adapt.