Negative Vibes and Sensitive Kids

Sensitive children pick up on all kinds of things we don't notice. I was recently reminded of Lucas' perception as it pertains to the negative energy people carry around with them.

My mom volunteers with this wonderful organization called Shakti Rising, a nurturing and empowering residential program for young women in recovery from substance abuse, violence, depression and other debilitating coping mechanisms. She goes to the house once a month to cook and enjoy a gourmet meal with the girls. The girls love her dearly. On occasion, she's had some of them come over to her house for dinner, sometimes for holidays, when Lucas and I are also there.

When he was just a baby - and a happy one at that - she had a group of Shakti girls over for Christmas dinner. Lucas cried and cried the whole time they were there. He wouldn't go to sleep in his little pack-n-play, as was his habit over at Grandma's, and even when I held him, he was in a terrible fit for the entire evening. I thought it was a fluke. Maybe he had gas.

A month or so later, there was a special event at the Shakti house. Mom wanted to show off her darling grandson to all the girls there, and so we tagged along. Within a few minutes of arriving, Lucas' happy, charming, bubbly little baby self turned fitful. After he'd fully disrupted the lovely garden party with his screaming, I cut the visit short and carried my upset buddy out to the car and took him home. He didn't make the best of impressions on those Shakti girls. This time, though, I knew it was no fluke.

I already knew by that time that he was very sensitive, and I suspected he was reacting to the energy of the place and the girls. It was odd, though, because the girls were absolutely delightful, and the deep personal growth they were doing in their recovery work was nothing short of inspirational. Regardless, I believe he was still sensing the pain that was the root cause of the addiction they were currently healing.

As a baby, Lucas had no way of understanding what that pain was about, and certainly no way of discerning the growth the girls were undertaking. He just FELT something very, very uncomfortable. Just as he feels my PMS, or feels my fear, he feels people's pain if it's strong enough. These girls had pain so strong it sent them into addiction, so I'd imagine that addiction energy carries a pretty hefty charge, even if it's from long ago.

I bring this all up now because for the first time in a few years, Mom recently had another Shakti visitor over for one of our Wednesday night dinners at her house. Lucas develops crushes on pretty girls just about daily, so we thought he'd be enamored or our dinner guest. In the back of my mind, I was wondering if he'd "outgrown" his sensitivity to the "Shakti girls." Here's what happened:

He avoided her completely for the first 45 minutes or so, hiding behind me or asking to play in another room. After multiple, gentle attempts to connect with him, he finally agreed to let her look at a book with him, and though still wary, he chatted with her for a bit. During dinner, he asked that his special booster seat (with its own tray) be set apart from the table. After dinner, he wouldn't go to sleep in the spare bedroom upstairs. He kept telling me something was scaring him.

After she left, he seemed willing to settle down, though he asked if she was already at her own house. He didn't want to relax until he was sure she was completely gone. He kept looking around the bedroom and telling me he was still bothered by something. Finally, he pointed to the Tibetan singing bowl on the side table and asked me to ring it. We've used it before to clear the space of "visitors" or unwanted energy. After I dinged it in all the corners and over the bed, he asked me to ring it in the closet, too. By the time I was done, he'd relaxed, and within minutes he was fast asleep.

I guess he hasn't outgrown the sensitivity. This was another reminder to trust that his negative reactions are valid responses to what he perceives. At almost four, he still doesn't have the ability to rationalize any of it. When he doesn't feel safe, for whatever reason, my job as his mom is to protect him. While it's uncomfortable for me to deal with the possibility that he may be hurting other people's feelings, that has to be secondary to supporting my son. Other people will quickly get over the fact that some strange kid didn't like them, but my son would not quickly get over the lack of trust he'd develop if I was more concerned about a stranger's feelings than his.

What do you do when your child seems resistant to someone for no apparent reason?