Hello readers! I've missed you! I've been a bit busy these past few months ... starting a NEW SCHOOL! I'm so eager to fill you in, but I've only gotten as far as updating the About page, so go check that out to find out a teensy little bit. I've been writing a ton, but it's all going into our promo materials and a new website for the school, (and emails and newsletters and curriculum and and and...). I'll share the website here when it's ready.
There is so much to share ... about how this whole crazy thing happened in seven weeks flat; about how miraculous it was that we found the perfect site only one week before we were scheduled to open and how crews of parent volunteers transformed the place in nine days; about how all these parents hung in there through a summer full of slim chances to take this leap of faith together; about how 100 people packed into our open house on the one stormy October night that it rained buckets in San Diego ... there are so many stories!
I'll do my best to share them here as I carve out the time. It may take a while.
Oh, and by the way, the name of our school is National University Academy - Sparrow Program, or NUA Sparrow for short.
Checking In
on
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
7 comments:
Alexis,
So glad to hear that the blog is not dead, just busy! I was one of the recent comments saying how much I appreciate this group. I just found you a few weeks ago when I googled “kindergarten suspension.” Yes, my son got kicked out of kindergarten for two and a half days.
I have two amazing kids- my daughter is 4 and apparently read all the same parenting books I did because she acts like the books say kids act. My son is 6 and well... he's a different story. The details of the suspension are also a grizzly story I've actually gotten tired of telling, but suffice it to say that my son got into a battle of the wills with one of his classmates' grandmothers and it ended with him hitting her. This heavily-armored woman (who was also a close friend of the principal) wasn't going to stand for any disrespect and she made sure the school threw the book at my “dangerous, defiant” child.
The result of all this is that my son has been traumatized (and me too). No one at school validated what was going on inside of him, he's been shamed, and no matter how much I try to draw cause and effect connections for him, he hasn't “learned his lesson”. I'm 100% certain that if he were put in the same position again, being left alone and backed into a corner by someone he doesn't know, he would do the exact same thing.
Now we are on the merry-go-round of public school interventions which have involved several frustrating meetings about behavior plans and invariably end because we've “run out of time.” I have about 100 things I'd like to say and never get the chance, so I wrote them down and sent them to the “team” assigned to my son. His teacher never responded, and rather than apologizing, asked me to respect her time and be more succinct if I need to write her again.
This whole thing has been absolutely crushing for me because my firm belief is that if a child resorts to violent behavior, there's something alarming going on inside that child. The whole concept of “behavior plans” seems ridiculous to me when we clearly need to look for something serious going on beneath the surface.
I am divorced from my kids' dad and there's a lot of adult crap that my poor kids have had to witness and deal with. They need some support in handling that. Their dad and I need tools and a neutral meeting place / mediator so we can get on the same page. He is firmly against anything that he doesn't get to control, so I naively hoped that the school might suggest some family counseling. Nope. Even when I asked them privately to suggest it to both of us in a non-judgmental way, nope.
Then there's the issue of blood sugar and THANK YOU ONE MILLION TIMES for your reference of “Little Sugar Addicts”!!! Wow- I had a hunch that my son didn't do well with sugar, and I've always been health-conscious with my kids- but I didn't realize that maybe he needs a very specific combination of food every two hours. I've been stalking my kid at school and sneaking him protein bars, cheese sticks and veggies in regular intervals and waddya know? He's been a freaking angel. So I want to get the school on board- I summarize the concepts and ask them to help me out. The response I got was, that's interesting and he can have snacks during the school day- but we can't really have the school staff involved unless he has a “serious allergy.” And if he has a meltdown, he still gets sent to the principal's office and possibly suspended. Oh, and could you make your emails shorter?
!!!!!!!
Sure- why don't we wait until we have a diabetic sociopath on our hands before we address the needs of the whole child?
I'm frustrated tonight after a parent-teacher conference. But writing is cathartic for me- I appreciate your suggestion to journal and maybe my venting session would be more appropriately handled in private, but I appreciate the safe place to get it out. Any advice or wisdom from you or any of your readers is also welcome.
MM
Dear MM,
I'm glad you find some relief in knowing you aren't alone. This must be so frustrating for you. Did you read my series on Meditation for Moms? There is a link to one of them in the sidebar above. As I was reflecting on what you shared here, it occurred to me that that might be very helpful for you in your current situation. Check it out and let me know what you think. Sometimes when it seems like there is no solution, tapping into our spiritual nature can yield that support or at least some perspective that helps us shift things around to a more positive space. Sending you love and light.
Cheers!
Alexis
ALEXISSSS!!!! I've missed your blog SO much!!! Glad to read your words again :)
Im making my move to work with children :) im moving to switzerland in january to be an aupair for one child, little girl, 3yo, she attends a montessori school :) im SO excited, our past exchanges in emails inspired me and reminded me of a path i know i enjoy. so THANKYOUUU!!!
ahh, so glad to see you back and hearing the exciting things about your school.
xx love and light xx
Hi Alexis: How amazing to hear about your new school. Congratulations and how inspiring!!
Lizzie! Thank you, dear, for your exuberant welcome back! It felt like a great big, warm hug! I'm so thrilled for you and this next phase of your life. You will be such a gift to that family. I'm so happy you're pursuing your passion - though the corset-making sounded fun, too. :)
Love, love, love to you!
Hi Janice~ Thanks for the congratulations! It's so lovely to return to the warm welcome of familiar people.
Cheers!
Alexis,
Thank you for taking the time to read my completely unfiltered story... For the past few months, I've been steadily letting the stress of my son's unique and challenging way consume my thoughts. My frustration with his father/my ex-husband also reached a critical point, and without realizing it, I neglected to take care of myself. I think I could safely describe my state of being as broken. I've caught a few glimpses of myself and I look like a basket case.
But as they say, breakdowns can be the birthplace of breakthroughs, right? I have read your series on meditation and it has been wonderful. I have actually taken your steps and modified them into something that's very personal and works for me. I, too, have struggled with sitting in silence; having a visualization to keep my mind from going into its usual rut has been very powerful. Maybe some day I'll just sit and be open, but for now, baby steps.
I also just read your post on vulnerability and watched the video of Brene Brown's talk. This brought me to tears (what's new?) and encouraged me to admit and lean into my own broken-ness.
Today is the first day of a month of forced self-care. My kids just left on a 4-week camping trip to Mexico with their dad (read mega-anxiety here). This was a tough decision to let them go, and many of my mom-friends said they would NEVER agree to such a thing. But I chose to see this as a wonderful opportunity for the kids and a much-needed break for me. I can focus on my work (seriously neglected lately), my other relationships, and, most importantly, myself. I even did some journaling, meditation, and yoga this morning!
I am focusing on forgiving myself and embracing my imperfections. Brene Brown's description of how we try to perfect our children really hit home for me. Maybe if I'm not constantly beating myself up, I'll be more open and accepting of my kids' imperfections. I see that my insecurities and (dare I say) embarrassment over my son's struggles has been keeping me from loving him unconditionally. My job isn't to raise perfect kids, it's simply to love and accept them for who they are.
Geez, this parenting gig is a heart-breaker. I sure am learning a lot.
MM
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